These Arms
by JeVeuxTonAmore
Summary: Manny thinks she's content with the way her life has turned out, until everything spirals out of control. People she love vanish from her life, while the unexpected come into it. Will she be able to get things sorted out so she can be TRULY happy?
1. Bound

**A/N: Before most of the chapters, there will be a little intro. It'll either be a flash forward or backward, foreshadowing, or just something to get the chapter started. Hopefully it doesn't get too confusing and you'll eventually be able to tell what each particular intro is there for.**

**As I was laying awake in my bed, the person I love beside me, my hand softly rubbing my stomach which was carrying our unborn child, I couldn't help but think how my life could've turned out so wonderful. I always imagined myself growing old alone, with no children, and no one around who loved me, all a result of all the mistakes and people I've hurt in the past. **

**I was living my dream as an actress, all be it stage acting, but acting none the less. The work was staggered, but I was willing to deal with it to get where I wanted. I could see it now, a smiling graceful me holding an Oscar.**

**All of my thoughts were hurled out the window when a stroke of panic filled my body. I clenched my stomach. It took all of my strength not to scream right there, the pain engulfing me. I slowly sat up, still clenching my painful stomach. I quietly crept out of bed. As I was about to turn into the bathroom, my heart stopped. **

**Blood. So much blood. All where I had been laying. I couldn't stifle the scream that arose in my throat. I crumbled to the floor desperately grabbing at my stomach. I screamed and cried, both because of the physical pain and the pain that filled my heart, as I knew the only explanation for it all. It could only go downhill from here. When would it all end?**

* * *

"I will _never_ love you. What you did to me…what you did to _us_, is unforgivable." I said, tears in my eyes as I pushed him away.

"Please…don't say that." He said, the same tears in his eyes too. "I can't undo it, but I can make up for it. If only you would let me. I'm not the same person I was…I've changed."

"I'm sorry. I can't." I said quietly, storming off to stage right, leaving him to crumble to the floor behind me.

The curtain fell. I wiped the tears off my face, ready to face curtain call. Everyone took their bows, with Max and myself taking ours last. I smiled and whispered "thank you" as the audience stood up in applause. Hand in hand, Max and I bowed for the last time and left the stage.

As we left the stage, Max put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close. "I can't believe it's almost over. I don't know what I'll do without seeing your gorgeous face every night."

I laughed. "I'm sure you'll manage."

"What do you have planned tonight, Manny?" He asked, walking towards his dressing room.

I was about to walk into mine when I stopped to look at him. "Well…I plan on telling him tonight."

Max opened his mouth in mock shock.

I rolled my eyes. "The time is better now. He finally made up his mind that he's not going back to the army, so it's just…the right time to tell him."

"Well, it's about time if you ask me. If my wife didn't tell me as soon as she found out…" He let the sentence trail.

I shook my head and walked into the dressing room. I sighed and sank into the arm chair that was scrammed into the tiny room. I couldn't wait to get out of small theater and to L.A.

I changed out of my costume and into a loose flower print dress. I splashed water on my face, fixed up my make up, and put my hair up in a loose pony tail. I took a deep breath and prepared myself for a life changing night. I made my way to the front of the theater. Most of the crowd was gone, so I was grateful I wasn't recognized.

I saw him sitting on a bench, by himself. I smiled and walked up to him. "Hello, Sean Cameron."

He looked up to see me. His eyes brightened as he returned my smile. "Manny Santos."

He stood up to embrace me. He kissed my forehead, my cheeks, and finally my lips. I threw my arms around his neck.

"You ready to get out of here?" He asked.

I saw Max as he was walking out wink at me. I giggled to myself. "I've never been more ready."

All the way home, I kept thinking how I would break the news to him. I couldn't help wondering how he would take it. Would he be thrilled? Upset? Excited? Angry?

I grew more and more nervous the closer we got to our apartment.

As we were sitting on the couch, cuddled in each others arms, I finally plucked up the courage to tell him.

"Sean?" I called.

"Yeah?"

I took a deep breath and leaned back out of his arms so I could look at him, face on. "Something has…happened."

Panic washed over his face. "What?" He asked cautiously.

"It's not bad, I promise…" I said, reassuring him. "I just don't know how you'll take it."

"Tell me."

I took one last deep breath. "I'm pregnant."

I sat, waiting, anxious for his reaction. He sat there for a moment, contemplating what I had just said. Finally, a smile broke over his face. He didn't say anything as he pulled me close to him.

I sighed with relief. Maybe my life would end up working out after all.


	2. Emergency Call

"**You're about 10 weeks along." The doctor said, looking at the monitor.**

**I smiled and looked up at Sean to get a reassuring smile back. I couldn't help but think back to the day where I had realized I was in love with him. **

_**I had been in college for two years. He had gotten in contact with Emma and was planning to visit her. Much to his dismay, Emma was busy most of the time he was there, but I wasn't. We'd spent almost every day together while he was there. At first it was mutually a friendship that was forming. However, we had been sitting at a café when I looked at him and my heart turned over in my chest. The last thing I expected was to fall in love with Sean Cameron of all people. No one else expected it either. Emma wasn't too happy when she caught us kissing in the dorm we shared. She stayed somewhere else for the remainder of the semester. It's been about a year and a half, and I haven't spoken to her since.**_

**We walked hand in hand out of the doctor's office. I couldn't for the life of me wipe the smile off my face. Even as my mind wandered back to the last time I had been pregnant, way back in high school. Luckily, this pregnancy was under completely different circumstances. Everyone always tells me that what Craig and I had wasn't real. Unfortunately, I know it was. Sometimes I wondered what had happened to Craig.  
**

**I gripped Sean's hand tighter, happy to have found love in him.**

* * *

"Alright…so this is our last performance together," the director said sadly. All the actors where gathered for the last time behind the curtain. The mood was solemn.

"So let's make it a good one. Go out with a bang!" He added. We all nodded in agreement.

I looked over at Max who was staring off into outer space. Out of us all, he had put the most heart and energy into this play. And out of everyone, I would miss him the most. I didn't have many friends, so every friendship I did have I wanted to cherish. This was one of those friendships.

"Hey, you okay?" I asked, putting my hand on his shoulder. He looked up at me.

"Of course." He said, forcing a smile. "You ready, baby?"

"As ready as I'll ever be." I replied. "After this is all over, we'll still keep in touch?"

"Hell yeah!" He laughed and kissed me on the cheek.

"Five minutes to show time! Everyone get in your places!" The director called out. "Break a leg everyone!"

I smiled as I walked off stage, leaving Max standing alone. I watched from of stage as he got into character to open the show. He looked over at me and gave me a thumbs up. The curtain rose.

"How did my life get so out of control?" Max called out into the audience.

Standing ovation. Roses. Bows. Applause. Smiles. Tears. It was all a whirlwind. My head spun.

After all the end of show festivities, the car ride home was silent.

"What's the matter?" Sean asked, glancing over at me.

"Nothing. Just tired." I said, leaning me head back on the car seat.

"I know I've said this millions of times, but you were brilliant out there. You surprise me every day." He said with a smile.

I closed my eyes. "Thanks."

His voice grew faint as I fell asleep.

I awoke the next morning, feeling sick. I groaned. I was hoping I'd be one of the lucky ones without any morning sickness. I could feel my stomach churn. I rushed to the bathroom just in time. I sat on the bathroom floor for a moment, to catch my breath.

I brushed my teeth and washed my face, feeling a bit human again.

I threw on a robe and walked out, in search of Sean. He was no where to be seen. I looked for a note, anything, saying where he was or when he'd be back. Nothing.

I walked up to the calendar hanging on the refrigerator. I was four months along.

I rubbed my stomach lovingly, not wanting to wait five more months to see my child's face, to hear it's cries.

I hopped in the shower, hoping to pass some time. As I got out, I saw Sean standing at the door.

"Where were you?" I asked, wrapping a towel around my body. I pushed my wet hair out of my face.

"I, uh, had to finalize some…things…for the, uh, service and uh, yeah." He said, uneasy.

I raised my eyebrows and nodded. "Oh?"

He shook his head, as if clearing his mind of the clutter. "Yeah…" He walked up to me and pulled me into his arms. I leaned my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes.

Something hadn't felt right about the hug, but I quickly tossed that thought out of my head the moment our lips touched.

Later that day, the feeling of uneasiness came back.

"I'm going out job hunting," Sean said, pulling a light jacket on and grabbing his car keys.

"I really wanted to go shopping for some things for the baby…" I said, turning around to face him.

"We can always go tomorrow, can't we?" He asked.

"I guess…" I let my voice trail off.

"Alright, then." He said, coming over to kiss me on the head before walking out the door.

I sighed. I shouldn't have been feeling like that. I had complete trust in him. When he said he was going job hunting, then that had to be where he was going.

I shook my head, expelling the thoughts. I decided to just go ahead on my own to pick up a few things.

I pulled on my own light jacket and grabbed my own cars keys while heading out the door.

I walked through isle after isle, making a list of the things I saw that I thought I would need.

Bottles. Bottle cleaners. Crib. Crib sheets. Car seat. Baby shampoo. The list never seemed to end. I thought it would be nice to have a baby shower, to make my job a little less stressful. I thought a moment about who I could invite. _That_ list was quite short.

That night, I kissed Sean good night and laid down. I soon heart his deep breathing, signaling he'd fallen asleep.

I laid there staring at the ceiling, my mind couldn't stop thinking.

I thought of Max and how fun our time together had been. I thought of how happy I would be when I finally got to hold my child in my arms. I wondered when the time would be right for Sean and I to get married. I thought how wonderful my life was turning out to be, and how wonderful it _would _be_. _

I could just see myself in a long, beautiful gown at the Academy Awards having been nominated in the best actress category. I thought of who I would thank first when I won: Sean and my child.

Before I could get any further, my heart stopped. I could barely breath. The pain shot through my whole body. I clenched desperately at my stomach, hoping it was just something I ate.

I slowly got out of bed. As I was about to go into the bathroom, my mind went numb at the scene before me.

Blood. All where I had just been laying. So much blood. My eyes filled with tears as I screamed in agony. I crumbled to the floor, barely able to breath through the pain and sobbing. I didn't even notice Sean rush to my side.

I wished desperately for my baby to be okay, even though I already knew what had happened. I tried and tried to make the thought leave my mind but it wouldn't.

I'd had a miscarriage.


	3. Oh, Dear Part 1

**A/N: All medical talk is strictly made up. I am not a doctor, and I would say 'nor am I pretending to be,' but I kind of am right now. So it is not made to be accurate. It is purely made up for the sake of the story. **

* * *

**I stared at the pasty white wall, unable to tell what I was feeling. I was numb. And I was fairly sure the world was against me having any happiness what so ever. I was ready to be a mother, and to have that right taken away from right under my feet? **

**I heard the door open but I refused to put the effort into turning to see who it was.**

"**Manuela Santos?" An unfamiliar voiced called out to me.**

**I slowly turned my head. The doctor nodded.**

"**Alright, well, I've gone over your status report. Let me just say, I'm very sorry about what happened. No woman wants to go through a miscarriage, especially so far along. And especially when you're ready for motherhood." She paused for a moment to see my reaction. I had none.**

"**I know how you feel, I went through the same thing three times. It's always hard at first. I know you're probably blaming yourself, but it's really not your fault. You look healthy and your fiancé says you did everything you were supposed to do to keep the baby healthy and in fighting shape." She paused again.**

_**Fiancé? **_**I thought. **_**Sean was **__**not**__** my fiancé. Why would he tell her that?**_

**The doctor continued, "Sometimes things just happen that are out of our control." She gave a weak smile. "I'm done with my pep talk…now I need to go over some things."**

**She glanced at the clip board she was carrying. "After most miscarriages, the uterus becomes damaged. Sometimes it's only slight damage, sometimes severe. Yours seems to be in about the mid-range of damage. Don't panic. They usually heal up on their own after time. Now, I'm just throwing this out there because it's regulation to tell you but, sometimes it's difficult for some women to get pregnant after a miscarriage. Most women have no trouble getting pregnant, but there are a handful that can't. The fertilized egg has a hard time grabbing on to a damaged uterus. If your uterus heals up fast and nicely, then you won't have a problem. And looking at the tests, it looks like you'll be just fine." She looked up at me with a concerned look. "Do you have any questions?"**

**I slowly shook my head and looked away. "Alright…I'll go get your papers all squared away so you can go home." **

* * *

"She's taking it really hard." I could hear Sean in the next room talking with someone. "All she does is lay around and sleep. I try and talk to her but I never get a response…I don't know what to do anymore."

As much as I wanted to snap out of whatever I was in and comfort him, I couldn't.

"Yeah, I know. It's just-" He was cut off by whoever was on the other end of the phone talk. "Yeah…alright…alright…okay, bye."

I could hear him walk into the room, walk back out, pick up his car keys and walk out the door.

I clenched my teeth. My mind told me to get up, but my heavy heart kept me pinned down. I rolled over to glance at the clock. 2:43 in the afternoon.

I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep. I opened them in time to see the dark room, illuminated only by the small digital clock. 5:00 in the morning.

I turned over to see Sean fast asleep. I closed my eyes once again, hoping to sleep off the months to come.

The weeks went by slowly in a blur. Sean and I barely talked. As much as he tried to understand what I was going through and what I was feeling, he couldn't. He usually left the house. Where he would go, I had no idea. But I would soon find out.

* * *

It had been a month since I'd lost my baby. The pain was still fresh and ached in my heart. But something in me started, and I knew I had to finally put it past me.

I had awoken to the sun peering through the crack in the blinds. The day had a certain energy about it that was hard to ignore. I yawned and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. I got up to do my morning routine consisting of a shower and brushing my teeth. However, I didn't slip back into my sweats and oversized t-shirt.

I walked over to my closet and plucked out my favorite pair of jeans, a flannel shirt and my pink ballet flats. I put my hair up and put my unfamiliar make-up on. I looked in the mirror, not recognizing the girl I saw. I couldn't remember the last time I had looked in the mirror. I could still see the sadness in my eyes, but I also saw something I hadn't seen in awhile. Determination.

I decided I was going to stop off at the nearby Starbucks, pick up my favorite chai tea latte and find an acting job.

I pulled into a parking space and took a deep breath, ready to face the world again. I was finally beginning to feel like my old self.

That is, until my heart sank. I wasn't expecting that feeling so soon. But here I was, rooted to my seat and unable to move.

There was Sean. Sitting at an outdoor table with a blonde girl. They were holding hands across the table. Sean looked up and we locked eyes for a moment. A look of panic washed over his face. The girl, seeing this look of panic, turned around to see what had made him stop whatever conversation they were having.

My heart stopped again. It was Emma.


	4. Oh, Dear Part 2

**A/N: Sorry for the short chapters. They look much longer when I write them up. I'll do my best to make them longer. Also, if you were wondering why I write in short paragraphs, it's because I like to break them up and make them more understandable. It's also because I prefer reading fan fictions in smaller paragraphs that get to the point but are still descriptive, rather than reading long drawn out paragraphs with descriptions that are there just for descriptions sake. **

**Also, don't be afraid to review! It's much appreciated! You won't hurt my feelings if you have something negative to say. I want to better my writing (: **

* * *

**When our lips met, I felt my breath leave me. Never before had I ever felt this way. Never would I have ever thought it would be Sean on the other receiving end of this kiss.**

**We pulled apart, just in time to see Emma, looking furious, turn away.**

"**Emma!" Sean called out desperately. **

"**Emma, stop!" I called out just as desperately.**

**She shook her blonde head, walking away even faster. Sean ran towards her and pulled her arm. She stopped, with her head bowed down.**

"**How could you?" She asked quietly.**

"**I…it…it just happened." Sean answered. "You were gone most of the time and Manny was the only one to pay me any time of day."**

**I stood like a statue, barely breathing, barely making a sound.**

**Emma said nothing. **

"**Emma?" Sean said quietly.**

"**I hope you two are happy," she said finally before she turned to run out. **

**Sean looked up at me desperately. We were both unable to speak.**

**Never would I expect the tables to turn…**

* * *

I could see Sean mouth a "shit" or two. He stood to get up, but I had already started the car and was backing out of the parking lot, narrowly missing three different cars.

"Manny!" I heard him yell out.

I could barely see the road. The tears welled up in my eyes and were falling, as if my eyes had turned into waterfalls.

I shook my head over and over, unable to believe what I had just seen. I didn't know where I would go, for I couldn't and wouldn't go back to the apartment.

_How could he do this? _I asked myself over and over. _While I was home, depressed and wanting him to try harder to coax my out of it. He had called me his fiancée when we were at the hospital. We were closer than any other people could understand._

I pulled to the side of the road, unable to drive safely. I gripped the steering wheel tightly and cried, desperately. All the clues came rushing back, they seemed to scream out "I told you so!"

I had so wanted to put all my trust in him. That little voice in the back of my mind had been right all along.

Of course, if he could do something like this to _Emma,_ he could do it to me.

I rested my head on the steering wheel, exhausted. I couldn't shake the uneasy feeling, but I did my best so I could figure out what I was going to do. I wiped the tears away, despite the new ones that were forming.

"What the _hell_ am I going to _do_?" I asked myself aloud. Max's face suddenly popped into my head, as if on cue. I picked up my phone and dialed his number.

"Hello?" He answered, groggily.

"Max? It's Manny." I said.

"Manny, Manny, Manny. I knew it wouldn't be long before you were crawling back to me."

I laughed, despite everything. "I just couldn't stay away."

"You okay?" He asked. "You sound sick."

"Uh, I'm fine." I lied. "I just miss you that's all. I was wondering if I could come over?"

"Just invite yourself over, why don't you," he said, jokingly. "Your husband doesn't mind?"

"He's not my husband," I said, bitingly. "And I'm a grown woman, I can do and go where I please."

"Wow, Manny has fight in her." He said, laughing. "Power to the woman!"

I rolled my eyes. "So, is that a yes?"

"Give me ten minutes to clean up and get dressed. And, it's a yes."

"Good. See you soon." I said, hanging up.

I pulled down the mirror to check my appearance. I used a tissue to wipe the smeared mascara on my cheeks and retouched it up. I don't know why I cared, Max usually saw me with little to no make-up.

I took a deep breath to steady myself. I could still feel the tears, sitting there wanting to escape. I refused them escape.

I pulled up in front of Max's house 20 minutes later. I blew my nose before making the walk up to his doorstep.

I rang the doorbell once and was instantly greeted by a smiling Max.

"Come on in, sweet cheeks." He said.

"Thanks," I replied as I walked into his house. I had never been in his house before and I was surprised by how clean and nice looking it was.

"Wow," I said under my breath.

Max laughed. "I know, I know. But it _was _pretty messy before you got here. You're lucky I care about what you think of it."

I smiled slightly. I looked over at him. I could tell he knew something was bothering me.

"Alright, spill it." He said, leading me over to his tan leather couch which sat in front of a large, flat screen TV.

I sat, without saying a word. Luckily he didn't pressure me. It seemed like eternity had gone by without me saying a word.

I took a deep breath. "Where should I start? A lot has happened this past month."

He nodded slowly. "I figured, since I hadn't heard from you."

I closed my eyes for a moment, contemplating how to start. "I lost the baby. And that's only half of it."

He didn't say a word, just stared at me. He put his hand on my shoulder.

"And, not even half an hour ago, I caught Sean with another woman."

Max pulled me into a hug. He gently stroked my hair. All of a sudden, the tears I had refused escape earlier came tumbling out.

"Shh, shh, shh," Max cooed.

I sat there, crying on his shoulder for what seemed like forever before I pulled back from him.

"After I lost the baby, I was really depressed. I was really depressed until this morning. This morning, of all mornings, I had decided to get my life back on track. And then I find Sean…with her." I said. "And not just any her, a girl who used to be my best friend. Who he has a long history with. Who he left to be with me. Who was my best friend since we were kids."

"You know," he said softly, "sometimes we have to go through a lot of pain to reach the end of the tunnel."

"Well, this is one damn long tunnel." I said, tears pouring out once again.

He pulled me back into his arms.

"The last thing I want to do is to take advantage of you Manny, being in a low point and all, but I just can't stand to see you hurting like this…and I've been wanting to do this for real for a long time…" he said, letting the sentence trail. The next thing I knew, his lips were pressed against mine.

I pulled away, shocked at what had just happened. My hand flew up to my lips. I began to laugh, hysterically.

"What?" He asked, over and over. Unsure of what to do.

"I..I..just" I said between laughter. "I always kind of thought you were…gay."

He looked at me for a long moment before bursting into laughter too. We sat there, for a long time just laughing.

I finally stopped and wiped the tears from my eyes that were formed not from sadness, but from the laughter.

"Listen," I said. "I love you very much, Max. But I'm not ready to…go _there _yet."

He nodded his head. "I know. I just…I'm sorry." He smiled. "At least I got you laughing again, right?"

I returned the smile. "Yes."

I jumped at the sound of my phone ringing. I looked up at Max, as if asking what to do. I grabbed my phone to see who it was. It was Sean.

"It's him," I said. Scared, not knowing if I should ignore it or answer it.

"You're going to have to face him sooner or later. Might as well get it over with now."

"You're right, I guess. I really just…don't…want to speak with him," I said, sighing.

I pressed the answer button on my phone.

"Hello, Sean."


	5. Never Looking Back

**A/N: Again, reviews are much appreciated! (:**

**The intro is a bit of an intimate moment. Nothing raunchy, I promise. **

* * *

**We took turns crawling into the blanket fort we had just made in his living room. We sat there, giggling to ourselves.**

"**I feel like I'm 7 again." He brushed the hair out of my face.**

"**I know, me too." I said, my pulse quickening.**

"**I hope you know I've loved you ever since I saw you take the stage at that audition," he said. Leaning in to kiss my collar bone, then my chin, finally reaching my lips.**

**He gently pressed his lips against mine. I could barely breath. I wrapped my arms around his neck while he put his around my waist. I ran my hands through his dark, gently curly hair. It was reminiscent of someone I used to know during high school, but in the heat of the moment I could only barely remember him.**

**The kissing soon became more aggressive, yet still gentle. My lips tingled and my heart was beating out of my chest. My hands ran over his cheeks, his back, his arms, exploring his body. **

**He pulled away to gently lift my shirt off. I unbuttoned his pants while his hands ran up and down my back, finally pulling the bra clasps apart. It fell to the floor and he gently laid me down, unbuttoning my jeans and then pulling them off to reveal what was underneath.**

"**Max," I said, pulling him gently closer to me. "Max"**

* * *

"What you saw wasn't what it looked like," Sean said, urgently. "I swear to you, I swear to you."

I didn't say a word. My eyes were locked with Max's.

"Manny? Please, say something." Sean said, desperately.

"What do you want me to say, Sean? What do you expect me to say?" My voice was barely above a whisper.

"That you believe what I'm saying and that you'll come home."

"I cannot lie."

I heard him sigh on the other end of the phone. "What can I do to make you forgive me?"

"Nothing. There is absolutely nothing you can do."

I could tell he started crying. He sniffled. "But I love you, Manny. As I have never loved anyone. Don't do this to me. Please, don't do this to me."

I laughed coldly. "Don't do this to _you_? What about what you did to me? I laid in bed for over a month, depressed out of my mind, and your off playing with Emma."

"It wasn't like that. She said she wanted to bury the hatchet. Let bygones be bygones."

"I'm sorry, Sean." I whispered and hung up.

I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and leaned my head back on the couch. I felt Max grab my hand. I didn't pull it away.

* * *

I had stayed at Max's house for a few weeks. He had a spare bedroom that he was more than happy to share. Sean called frequently, but I refused to answer. There was nothing more I could say to him.

However, I did finally decide to go back to the apartment and pack up all my things. I made sure, of course, that Sean wasn't there when I went. I packed up all my clothes, shoes, jewelry and toiletries, not caring to grab anything else.

I was zipping up the suitcase I had brought when I heard someone walk into the room. My heart jumped into my throat as I slowly turned around. It was Sean…with Emma right behind him. They were holding hands.

"Sorry to interrupt your sexcapades," I said sarcastically.

Sean eyeballed Emma, mutely telling her to leave us alone.

"I'm not going to talk to you about any of this, Sean. At least not now."

"Where are you staying?" He asked, taking a step forward. His eyes looked crazed.

"With a friend."

He laughed. "What friends?"

I clenched my teeth. What was with him? I looked up at him, barely recognizing the person I saw.

I stood up, taking a deep breath. I lifted my arms out. "What do you expect me to do, Sean? Come crawling back after catching you in the act?" I let my arms fall to my legs.

He took another step forward. "Like I said, it wasn't what it looked like."

I pursed my lips and slowly nodded. This was somehow a different Sean I was looking at.

"I feel nothing, Sean. Nothing. I'm an emotionless bitch now, okay?" I said, picking up the handle to my suitcase. "You get to stay in our, your, apartment and do what ever you like with her."

"Ever since you lost your baby, you've been a totally different person. What happened to the happy girl I used to know?" He asked.

"Why don't _you_," I said, pointing my finger at him, "hold judgment until _you_ go through a miscarriage." I paused, picking up the suitcase. "Besides, I could say the same thing about you. And it was _our_ baby."

I walked passed him out the door. I glanced quickly at Emma, giving her the same furious look she gave me years ago without knowing it.

"Manny!" Sean called out after me.

"Manny, stop!" I heard Emma say.

But it was all too late. I was already out the door.

* * *

"How did it go?" Max asked as I set my suitcase down on the bed in the spare bedroom, which had become mine.

"Not so good. He caught me there. And I caught him about to…with Emma." I said opening the suitcase and sorting out my clothes on the bed.

He walked further into the room. "I'm sorry."

I shrugged. "Nothing you, nor I, can do about it."

"At least you're taking it pretty well…despite everything," he began to help me unpack my things.

I sighed. "Yeah. I guess I am." I paused. "I've got a good friend helping me through it though."

He smiled sadly and nodded.

"After we're done unpacking, want to make a blanket fort in the living room?" I asked.

"Hell yeah!" He said, putting my clothes into the dresser.

I laughed. "You're coo coo bananas."


	6. Movin' On

"**What do you want for breakfast?" I called.**

"**Pancakes!" Max called back in answer.**

**I giggled. "We just had pancakes, though!"**

**He walked up and hugged me from behind, putting his chin on my shoulder. "But I love pancakes. **_**Your**_** pancakes."**

**I smiled. "Pancakes it is then." **

**He kissed my cheek and walked into the bathroom. I heard the shower start.**

**I began to collect all the ingredients for pancakes. Max walked back out, in just a towel. He walked up to me and put his lips against mine.**

"**A kiss to get me through the shower." He grinned his goofy grin. "A whole five minutes without you."**

**I rolled my eyes. "What ever shall we do?"**

"**Come with me, so I'm not lonely."**

**I laughed. "Then the pancakes will never get done."**

"**I'd rather have **_**you**_** than pancakes," he said. "But I'll be a big boy…"**

**He walked back into the shower. I laughed to myself while I cracked the eggs to put into the mix. I wondered if things would be different between Max and I after this "honeymoon" phase was through. I wasn't sure I could handle much more heart break, but for some reason I was willing to risk it all for him. Whether this was smart of me or not, I wasn't sure.**

"**Come here!" I heard him yell.**

"**Pancakes!" I yelled back.**

"**Come here!" He yelled again. **

**I rolled my eyes, wiped my hands. I began to untie the robe I was wearing. I turned to go into the bathroom.**

**I stopped in my tracks, mid turn. Sean was standing there, eyes crazy. I looked down to see a gun in his hand.**

**I slowly retied my robe. **

**He put his index finger to his lips, as if saying "Sh."**

"**Sean, don't" I said quietly and gently.**

**He shook his head. He slowly walked up to me, put the gun to my head, and awaited for Max to get out of the shower.**

* * *

"Quit calling me or I'm changing my number!" I said quickly and hung up the phone.

"Something in him…clicked. He's not the same person I had fallen in love with," I said. Max was sitting by my side on the couch.

He shrugged. "Maybe the miscarriage was painful to him too. He's just…showing it in a different way."

My cell phone rang again. I didn't answer. A few moments later, it beeped.

"That asshole left a voice mail," I said. I made a growling noise and listened to the message.

"Manny…" Sean's voice said quietly. "I hope you'll give this message a listen. I'm going to tell you the truth. At first, all Emma and I did was talk. You were still pregnant and happy and I wanted nothing to do with her. But then you changed after, you know…and I had no one to talk to. Emma was there. I confided in her and she helped me through it. I'm just as hurt as you are about loosing our baby, Manny." He paused. "Yes, after that me and Emma we…did things. And I hadn't realized how much I missed her. I'm so sorry."

I turned the message off.

"What?" Max asked, concern in his voice at seeing my face. Sometimes I wished my face didn't give my emotions away so easily.

I shook my head. "Nothing…just what I thought all along. He 'told the truth.' Like that matters or does anything now." I said sarcastically.

Max pulled me to his chest. I could hear his heart beat. I closed my eyes, listening.

"No, it doesn't matter anymore. Just know, Manny," he paused. I could hear his voice reverberate through his body. "That I would…that I will never, ever do anything like this to you. I'm aware of the fact that I need to earn your trust more than anyone has, but I swear to you, on my acting career, that I will never hurt you."

My eyes swelled up with tears. I smiled and looked up at him. "I know." He returned my smile.

"I know," I repeated. "I know I _should_ be hesitant to trust another so easily after all I've been through. Any sane person wouldn't trust so easily again, anyway. But I know you're telling the truth. I've never been more sure of anything in my life."

He grinned the goofy grin I loved so much. He bent down to touch his lips to mine. I ran my fingers through his hair and moved to straddle his body. I pulled away.

"Race you to the bedroom?" I asked, teasingly.

"You bet! First one there gets movie pick tonight!" He said, throwing me off and dashing to the bedroom.

* * *

That night, we were watching Max's favorite movie when there was a knock at the door. We exchanged looks, wondering who it could be.

Max stood up and went to answer the door.

"Where's Manny?" I heard a familiar voice call out. I looked back to see Sean pushing his way through the door and passed Max.

"Sean, you can't just push your way in like that!" I shrieked.

"Hmm? So says the whore." He snapped.

I could tell Max wanted to strangle him, but I saw him hesitate. He had thought better of it.

"What is _wrong_ with you, Sean?" I asked, standing up.

Max quickly walked in front of me. "Listen, buddy, it's probably best if you leave. Right now." He said, warningly. "I have no problems calling the cops on your sorry ass."

Sean laughed. "Do it."

Max gave me a warning look.

"What do you want, Sean?" I asked.

"I want to know why you don't answer my calls or respond to my voice mails." He took a step closer. Max backed up closer to me.

"Because, Sean. I have nothing more to say to you! Why can't you just let it go, and move on with Emma?"

"It's not that simple."

My mind was racing. How could my loveable Sean have turned into someone…completely different?

Sean just shook his head violently and walked back out the front door.


	7. Wash Away

"**No, no, no," I kept saying over and over. My face could feel the familiar touch of tears, streaming down.**

**The sight of all the blood was sickening. My stomach churned in my stomach. **

**This is all too surreal. This isn't supposed to be happening in real life. It should only be happening in Lifetime movies. Not in real life. Not in real life.**

"**Miss? Miss?" A man's deep voice called out to me. I could barely hear, or understand, what he was talking about. "Are you okay?"**

**Someone knelt down beside me. "Are you okay?" He asked again. **

**I don't know what I said, but I know it wasn't understandable.**

"**Hmm? Can you repeat yourself, miss?" I wished he would just stop talking. **

**Oh my God, all the blood. I vaguely heard the ambulance pull away from the house. **

**I quickly got up and ran outside, the police officer who had been talking to me watched me with eyes full of concern. **

**I screamed out at the ambulance. "No! No! No!"**

**I crumbled to the ground, my hands covering my face.**

* * *

The days seemed to move by faster and faster. The incessant phone calls had stopped and I'd almost but forgotten everything and anything to do with Sean Cameron.

I was staring in a play again. It was only for a week, but I was happy to be back in my element. It didn't help that I was again staring opposite Max. But it worked. The audience could feel out chemistry. We were like fire on stage.

I even dared to dream that my life was turning around finally and that maybe it would stay this time. How wrong I had been, yet again.

Max and I were taking our final bows on stage before the curtain fell. I'd forgotten how good applause felt. Especially well deserved applause. Not that I was tooting my own horn, or anything, but I had worked my ass off.

Before I knew it though, Max had stepped up to the front of the stage a shushed the crowd. "I've got something I have to do. And I want to do it in front of all of you." He laughed. "Hey, that rhymed!"

He smiled his goofy grin before turning to me and motioning me to stand up there with him. I obliged.

My hands flew up to my face as I watched him bend down to one knee.

"Manuela Santos, will you marry me?"

I began to cry, like every single other woman's response to this question. "Yes."

I couldn't stop staring at the ring that was on my finger the whole ride home. Neither could I wipe the grin that was permanently on my face. My mind flew back, just for a second, to the time Jay and I had been engaged. _This _was how engagement was supposed to fee like.

I looked over to see Max smiling, just a wide.

That night was the most special night we had ever spent together.

* * *

"What do you want for breakfast?" I called.

"Pancakes!" Max called back in answer.

I giggled. "We just had pancakes, though!"

He walked up and hugged me from behind, putting his chin on my shoulder. "But I love pancakes. _Your_ pancakes."

I smiled. "Pancakes it is then."

He kissed my cheek and walked into the bathroom. I heard the shower start.

I began to collect all the ingredients for pancakes. Max walked back out, in just a towel. He walked up to me and put his lips against mine.

"A kiss to get me through the shower." He grinned his goofy grin. "A whole five minutes without you."

I rolled my eyes. "What ever shall we do?"

"Come with me, so I'm not lonely."

I laughed. "Then the pancakes will never get done."

"I'd rather have _you_ than pancakes," he said. "But I'll be a big boy…"

He walked back into the shower. I laughed to myself while I cracked the eggs to put into the mix. I wondered if things would be different between Max and I after this "honeymoon" phase was through. I wasn't sure I could handle much more heart break, but for some reason I was willing to risk it all for him. Whether this was smart of me or not, I wasn't sure.

"Come here!" I heard him yell.

"Pancakes!" I yelled back.

"Come here!" He yelled again.

I rolled my eyes, wiped my hands. I began to untie the robe I was wearing. I turned to go into the bathroom.

I stopped in my tracks, mid turn. Sean was standing there, eyes crazy. I looked down to see a gun in his hand.

I slowly retied my robe.

He put his index finger to his lips, as if saying "Sh."

"Sean, don't" I said quietly and gently.

He shook his head. He slowly walked up to me, put the gun to my head, and awaited for Max to get out of the shower.

I closed my eyes to keep from letting the tears flow.

"Don't do this, Sean." I quietly pleaded.

"If you say one more thing," he said violently, "I will shoot you without thinking twice."

Minutes passed that felt more like days, months, years.

_Stay in the shower_, I silently pleaded over and over. My heart sank when I heard Max turn the shower off.

"How are the pancakes coming?" He called out.

Sean gave my a warning look, with the same crazy eyes that I didn't know could get even crazier. I was silent.

"Manny?" Max called out again. The next thing I knew he was standing in the doorway, dripping wet, in just a towel. He stopped, dead in his tracks, when he saw the scene before him.

_This can't be happening_, I said to myself. _This only happens in movies._

"Sean?" Max said, questioningly.

"This, bitch, killed my baby." Sean spat out.

_This is __not__ Sean_, I kept thinking again and again.

"No," Max said gently. "No, she didn't. It was all an accident. It was nobody's fault."

"This, bitch, killed my baby." He said again, with the same venom. This person standing over me was _not _Sean.

Max put his hands up and slowly walked toward Sean. What happened next was all a blur, it all happened so fast.

I felt the pressure from the gun on my head lift and I heard a gun shot.

"You, bitch!" Another gun shot went off.

For a moment, I thought I was dead. My eyes were closed and I was rocking back and forth, my hands over my head. I screamed. I screamed again. I kept screaming, waiting for it to stop.

I finally opened my eyes. As soon as I did, though, I immediately regretted it.

It took me awhile to process what I saw before me. Max was laying a few feet from me on his back. His chest was completely covered with blood. I looked to the other side of me to see Sean, hunched over, his head covered with blood.

I screamed and quickly crawled over to where Max was. I lifted his head into my lap. "Max?" I called, over and over. Repeating his name until it no longer sounded like anyone's name and my voice no longer sounded like my own. It became hoarse and barely above a whisper.

So much blood. My hand involuntarily went down to my stomach, but I felt no pain.

Was I dead?

I closed my eyes and opened them. The same gruesome scene lay before me. I screamed again, for what seemed like the hundredth time. I stroked Max's cheeks, daring him to open his eyes and scream "Just kidding!"

"This is the cruelest joke you could ever play on me Max," I said out loud to him. But there was no response.

My vision was blurred by the tears. And my heart was once again heavy in my chest. I have no idea when the cops arrived.


	8. Suicide is Painless

**A/N: I apologize for all the small little typos in every chapter. I try and fix them all, but I'm only human, so I miss some. And apparently my spell check, who is not human, misses them also. So just look past them and fix them mentally in your head for me (:**

**Also, I can't stress this enough, ****please review****! I love getting good and bad feedback. If you have something negative to say, my feelings won't get hurt. I want to know what you like most about it and what I can improve on. Don't be shy! (:**

* * *

**I sat, numbly in the chair before the police. They wanted to clear my name. They didn't think I was at fault, but they had to do their job and make sure. **

**I quietly, and as politely as I could muster, answered every question they shot at me. I had to explain, in as much detail as I could (or that I could remember) exactly what had happened. I did. **

"**Alright, well. I wish we could do more, but the one we really want to question is passed. I'm sorry for your loss Miss Santos. If you need anything, please, don't hesitate to call." One of them said.**

**I nodded solemnly and left. **

**Since when had my life turned into such a Lifetime movie? Sure, I was no stranger to drama, I'll admit. It had seemed to follow me like a ghost where ever I went. As big a part as it had in my life, it was still hard to get used to it. I was sick of the constant heartache and tears. I just wanted it all to stop.**

**And, oh, how I missed my beautiful Max. I would never run my hands through his hair or see his goofy grin or hear his bad jokes or make blanket forts with him. Ever. Again.**

**I had finally found my happiness in him. And now that he was gone, it felt as if so was my happiness. For good this time.**

**I had never contemplated just offing myself before, but it seemed like the most plausible way to end my sorrows. And I would be with my Max again. **

**The world was against me. And it had won the game. There was no more use in my desperate attempts to get ahead. It was always one step ahead of me, laughing and taunting. **

**I had pulled to the side of the road. The bridge I so often crossed in my car was there, laying in front of me. Waiting for me to seize the opportunities it held. **

**I walked slowly up to it. I put my hands onto the ledge and slowly leaned over, looking down. I took a deep breath, watching the water rush by underneath. Dare, I? **

**It was a long way down and it would surely kill me in an instant. Dare, I?**

**I lifted myself onto the ledge, sitting precarious on the edge. I stood up, ready to make the plunge.**

"**Manny?" A woman's voice called out.**

"**Manny?" She was closer.**

**I slowly turned around, angry at whoever was interrupting my end. My eyes widened. "Emma?"**

* * *

I sat on her yellow sofa.I lazily traced the light yellow flowers that covered it. She returned carrying a mug of hot tea in each hand. I took one of them.

"Manny, I'm so sorry." She said finally, after we sat in silence. I could tell she meant it.

"I am too."

"About everything, I mean." She began. "I admit, I was really hurt when I saw the two of you. I didn't realize until now how petty and stupid I had been." She paused, looking at my reaction.

She continued, "I thought I would make myself better by doing the same thing. I'd heard you had a miscarriage and that you were taking it really hard. I seized the opportunity to snatch him back. I'm sorry. It was a whore move on my part."

I shrugged. "It's water under the bridge." I laughed at the irony.

I could see panic wash over Emma's face. I think she thought I was literally going "coo coo bananas."

"I'm sorry…it's just. Kind of silly now, right?" Sitting there, in Emma's brightly colored living room, I still understood _why_ I had wanted to kill myself but, I knew deep down that Max wouldn't want me to commit suicide. Were he alive, he wouldn't have let me give up sp fast

Emma began to cry. She pulled me into a hug. I sat there awkwardly patting her back before bursting into my own fit of tears. We cried in each others arms, with no one else to turn to but each other. Funny how things work out…

When we were finished, Emma began again. "I'm also sorry about Max. I can see how much he meant to you."

I slowly nodded. "Funny how in love I thought I was with Sean. It was no where near how I felt about Max." I paused. "We were engaged. He proposed the day before he…" A new round of tears fell from my eyes. I didn't want to confide in her so soon, but here I was. I almost, almost, felt like we hadn't gone through years of silence, without a word.

"Manny, I'm so sorry," Emma said through her own sobs. "I hope I don't hurt you more with what I'm about to tell you, but…I'm pregnant. With Sean's baby. I'm pregnant." Her hands flew up to cover her face. She bent down, her whole body jolting from the sobs.

For reasons unknown, I knew she was going to say that. I also knew that I was actually glad to have my friend back.

* * *

It seemed like one tragedy after another, I was staying at someone else's home and secretly wishing I had my own little sanctuary to call home, where no bad memories haunted me. This time was no different, for I was staying with Emma. I was afraid to go back to the house Max and I were sharing. I was also afraid to go back to the apartment Sean and I had shared. So there I was.

Emma and I were standing in her spare bedroom, in our grungy clothes, painting the walls a light yellow.

"You sure like yellow," I said, teasingly.

"It's my favorite color. Besides, it's a color that's good for a boy or a girl. What could be better?" She said.

I laughed. "If you say so."

She turned to me, in all seriousness. "I don't know if I've told you yet, but I'm really grateful we're friends again. I'd probably go insane if I didn't have anyone to help me through this. I hope you feel the same. And I hope I'm able to help you too."

I nodded. "I do feel the same. Thank you." I paused. "Honestly, I never thought this would happen. Me and you, talking again."

Emma smiled. "I didn't either. But I'm glad I was proven wrong."

"Me too," I said. "Me too."


	9. I Tried

**I fit in nicely with the L.A. crowd. It was easy for me to adjust and get used to the new customs. I had realized that I was going nowhere quickly back in Toronto. There was nothing really going for me there. My parents was supportive, as long as I called almost everyday. Emma, of course, wanted updates as much as possible too. **

**My acting career was at a stand still back in Toronto. It was either small, stage theater gigs or none at all. I was sick and tired of doing the same damn things over and over. It didn't even seem to matter if I had starred in a movie. Granted, it **_**was**_** a Jay and Silent Bob movie. It also didn't help that everywhere I looked I could see Max's face. And I mean everywhere…**

**So it seemed like the only plausible thing for me to do was get the hell out of there to L.A. So here I was.**

**I found a small apartment I could afford that wasn't too bad. It wasn't exactly grand either, but it would do until I could afford a better place. I was booking commercials and guest spots here and there and I was hoping they would lead me to something bigger and better. **

**My resume got longer and longer, and still, I could hardly get no more than commercials or guest spots on random television shows I had never heard of. **_**No one **_**had probably heard of them. **

**I was sitting at a small café. I thought that maybe my problem was that I needed an agent so I was looking over a list of names a fellow actress I had met at an audition had given me of agents. They were rated by how many stars were next to their name. 5 stars equaled a killer agent. Whereas one star equaled an agent I should stay away from.**

**I was pulled from my thoughts when I thought I heard someone call out my name. I glanced up, but didn't see anyone anywhere. I looked back down at the list when I heard it again, this time louder.**

"**Manny!"**

**I looked up to see someone run up to me. "Holy crap," I said.**

* * *

"Manny, are you sure you have to go?" Emma said, sticking her bottom lip out.

"I have nothing here, Em. If I want to make something of my life, I have to get out of here." I put the last of my things in my suitcase and zipped it up.

"What about me? I'll need help with Aiden you know," she said, pitifully.

"Trust me, you handle him fine on your own. I hardly do anything anyway. And besides, you're Mom is more than willing to help," I said encouragingly. "And you know, of course, I'll miss you like crazy. I'll update you as much as I can. Expect many crying phone calls from me."

Emma laughed. "I'll be here to help you through it." She sighed and looked at the floor.

"Come here," I said, pulling her into a hug. "We've still got the whole ride to the airport."

Emma nodded. "I know, I'm just going to miss you so much."

"C'mon," I said. "We better go. Don't wanna miss my flight."

I packed my suitcases into her car. Emma bundled her little boy up and strapped his car seat into the car.

The ride to the airport was solemn, but we made the best of it. We exchanged teary eyed hugs before I walked into the airport.

I sat next to the window so I could watch my past fly away.

* * *

"Manuela Santos?" A woman of about 30 called into the holding room. There were 50 of us, crammed into the tiny room, all hoping to get booked for the job. Everyone sat, nervous.

As I stood up, everyone seemed to stare. I felt confident in myself, so I didn't let it bother me.

I walked into the room the woman ushered me into. Four men sat behind a long table. They all looked stiff, but professional. I gulped, hoping they would like me and my performance.

One of them cleared his throat. "Alright, say your lines."

I nodded and gathered my thoughts. Luckily, I had memorized the lines the night before.

"What do you expect of me? To bend over backwards for you after all you've done? Have you ever thought how it would effect me?"

I continued the monologue as best as I could and I was happy with my performance.

"We'll get in touch," was all they said before I was ushered quickly back out again.

Oh, the life of a struggling actor.

I walked out to the same staring faces, which I ignored just the same. I walked out of the building, surprised at how bright the sun had gotten. I dug my sunglasses out of my purse and put them on.

I walked down the street to my car and got in. I sighed and leaned my head back on the head rest. I closed my eyes, despite being fearful of what appeared before them each time they did.

Max. Dead. Laying there, lifeless. All the blood. Max.

I flew my eyes open. I could feel the tears forming and quickly wiped my eyes.

It had been months since that fateful day, but the pain was still just as fresh. I barely slept at night, afraid of what dreams would haunt me, which always _did _haunt me.

"Why?" I whined for what seemed like the billionth time. I took a deep breath, buckled myself up and drove off back to my apartment.


	10. Sweet Thursday

**A/N: Thanks everyone for reading! Also, disregard some things that happened in the Degrassi Goes Hollywood movie. **

* * *

"**Does she know that?" I asked him.**

**He nodded. "At least I think so…"**

**I raised my eyebrows, last night's run in had proven to me otherwise. **

"**She didn't seem to happy to see me there," I said, looking down at my lap. **

"**Well, honestly, she probably wasn't. But she doesn't matter. Besides, you and I, we're not really…**_**together…**_** yet. I don't want to mess up what he have now. I'd rather take things slower," he said, taking my hand in his.**

**I smiled. "I don't want to mess anything up either. I'd rather not deal with any kind of relationship now. I'm still…" I paused. The smile had gone from my face. **

"**Still what?" He asked, cocking his head to the side and furrowing his eyebrows.**

"**Nothing. I'm still nothing…" I said quickly.**

"**Oh, really?"**

"**I'm not ready to talk about it, yet." I avoided making eye contact. **

**He widened his eyes and nodded. "Alright."**

* * *

My fifth big audition of the week and still, I was empty handed. Sure, the small gigs were getting me by, but I was yearning for something to sink my teeth into, that I could really show what I have. Was I really not as good as I thought I was?

"You know what you need?" Lily said, who I had just met a couple days before at an audition. We were both in need of a friend.

"What's that?" I asked, taking a sip of the coffee I had ordered. We walked outside to sit at a table.

"An agent. You can only go so far without one in this city. If you get an agent, you'll get better auditions."

I thought for a moment. "I guess you're right. It _has _been hard for me to juggle scheduling my auditions _and _keeping track of them all on top of going to them."

"Here," she said. She dug around in her over sized bag and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper. "Someone gave this to me to look over. I don't need it anymore, so I'll pass it onto you."

I took the paper and set it on the table. "Thanks," I said smiling.

A beeping noise came out of Lily's bag. She dug around again and pulled out a fancy looking phone, looking at it and sighing. "I've gotta go. My boyfriend is locked out of our apartment." She laughed and rolled her eyes while standing up.

"Okay," I said. "I'm gunna hang out here for awhile. See you."

"Yeah, see you." And with that she went walking off.

I took another drink of my coffee and unwrinkled the paper. Lily was right, my problem was that I needed an agent. Surely that would solve all of my problems. And I'd get the recognition that I craved.

My head jerked up, involuntarily. I thought I had heard my name. I looked around, but saw no one. I shook my head and looked back down at the paper, scanning the names and stars.

"Manny!" A man's voice called out to me.

I looked up to see someone run up to me. "Holy crap," I said.

I sat there in a stunned stupor, looking at the familiar face run up to me with a slight smile on his face. He stopped by the table and looked down at me, smiling wider.

"I thought that was you. What are you doing here?!" He asked.

I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. I tried again. "Craig?"

He laughed. "That'd be me." He paused and smiled. "Manny?" He imitated my shocked voice.

I smiled slightly and nodded. "When did you move to L.A.?"

"I thought you knew I moved down here? I thought rumors always spread like wildfire between all of you back home."

"Apparently not all of them," I said.

"Anyway, when did you move down here?" He asked me, the empty seat across from me.

"A month or two ago. I've been so busy; I don't know for sure."

What was he doing talking to me? The last time we had seen each other I had dumped him for his drug problem. We hadn't left on the best of terms. Apparently it must have been all under the bridge now.

"Acting?" He asked, leaning forward in his chair.

I nodded. "Every struggling actor tries L.A. out at least once for a break."

"Very true. How has it been going for ya?"

I shrugged. "Not as well as I want. I book commercials and small things like that. I never seem to get any good roles, which is frustrating."

He smiled. "I know how that is."

"How is your music?" I asked.

"It's going good, actually. I've been getting some pretty good gigs. I'm kind of on a break right now. I've been on tour none stop it seems like, so I'm taking a bit of a mental health break," he laughed.

I laughed too, but more at the irony. I couldn't tell if he meant it as a joke or not. "Good for you, Craig."

"Where are you living?" He asked me.

"Up the street in those tan apartment buildings," I said, pointing in the direction.

He nodded. "I pass by them all the time. Small world."

I smirked. "Yeah, it is."

Craig looked down at his watch. "I've got to go. I'm meeting a friend, but listen, I'll give you my cell number."

I took out my phone and punched in the numbers as he told me. I told him my number as well.

"We'll have to get together soon," he said, standing up.

I nodded. "Yeah. It's good to know at least one person in this big, bad city."

He laughed. "See you around, Manny. Good to see you."

"You too, Craig." I said, finishing off my coffee.

He turned to walk around, but then stopped and turned back to me. "Are you busy tonight?"

I thought a moment and then shook my head. "Nope."

He smiled. "Good. I'll call you and we'll go do something."

"Sounds good."

With that, he turned and walked away.

I sat back in my chair, pondering what had just happened.


	11. Unfamiliar Faces

**A/N: Sorry again for any errors I miss. I read over the chapters at least once or twice…but apparently I still miss some. I only catch them **_**after**_** I've posted them…oh well. As long as you get the gist of it, it's all good.**

**Thanks for reading! The reviews are what keep me motivated.**

* * *

"**That one looks like a giraffe," I said pointing at the cloud.**

**Craig laughed. "It does!"**

**Dogs barked in the distance and the ducks splashed in the little pond that was only a few feet away. Craig and I were spread out on a blanket, looking up at the blue sky. **

**Craig turned his head towards me, and I turned towards him.**

"**What?" I asked. **

**He smiled. "Nothing."**

"**No, what? Do I have pudding smeared on my face?" I asked, jokingly.**

"**No. It's just…" He let it trail.**

"**Just? Just what?"**

**He smiled wider. "You've really grown up, Manny. Since the last time I saw you, I mean. You're like a completely different person…but still the same. If that makes sense."**

**I blushed. "Thanks. A lot has happened in my life since you left it. I would hope it affected me for the better." I paused. "It's been hard…but I've tried my best to get through it."**

**The smile faded from his face. "You ready to talk about it?"**

**I looked back up at the sky and heaved a sigh. "I guess so."**

**He sat up and looked down at me, all serious.**

"**I don't know where to begin…"**

"**Preferably the beginning," Craig said, teasingly.**

**I smiled. "Well…I was with Sean for a couple years. And yes, it was **_**the**_** Sean Cameron."**

* * *

I was brushing my hair when I heard my phone begin to ring. I ran to find it and answered it.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Manny."

A smile spread across my face. "Hi, Craig."

"You still free tonight?" He asked.

I paused for a moment. "You bet."

"Great. There's this intimate little night club I want to take you to."

"Not the same one from a couple weeks ago?" I asked.

He laughed. "That one wasn't intimate. It was just…a club."

Craig and I had oddly been spending a lot of time together. As friends, of course. It was nice to know someone and be able to have fun with them. Things were not like they were…they were different and better. We had both grown and matured since we had parted the last time and we just seemed to…click more.

"What does this intimate little night club entail?" I asked, returning to the bathroom and to continue brushing my hair.

"Well…there are little round tables around a little stage and they have live entertainment. I used to play there a lot. When they don't have entertainment they either have karaoke or a dance floor. But tonight, they have entertainment lined up and I wanted to take you." He said.

I smiled. "Sounds fun. What time?"

"I'll be at your place in an hour to pick you up and then we'll go straight there."

"Alright…I'm going to hang up now. I need that full hour to get ready." I said. "See you later."

He laughed. "See you." We hung up.

I finished brushing my hair, straightened my bangs and pinned it half up. I carefully applied some make-up before finding my outfit. I walked over to my closet and stood there for a moment, glancing back and forth at what it held. I picked out a dark purple blouse with ruffles on the front, dark wash skinny jeans and some black pumps. Perfect.

I walked out into the living room to wait until Craig arrived. I applied a light lipstick before I went to answer the door.

"Hellooooo," I said, opening the door.

Craig smiled. "You ready?"

"Mmmhmm." I quickly grabbed my small bag and then he whisked me off.

We quickly staked out a table and ordered drinks.

I scanned my surroundings. "This place is nice. You said you've played here?"

He nodded. "Almost every weekend. They don't pay a lot, but it was at least a gig."

"Craig?" A girl's voice called out. The lighting was dim, so it was hard to tell who the voice was coming from.

Craig turned around and I could hear him groan. "Hi, Ellie."

"What are you doing here? I thought you stopped playing here." She asked, coming out from the dark. She hadn't spotted me yet.

"Yeah, I did stop playing here. I just wanted to bring…" He paused and turned around towards me. "I just wanted to bring Manny here."

Ellie's eyes moved over towards me. A look of distain washed over her face. "Oh."

"Yeah. She moved down here for her acting career, which is going really well if I may say so," he said, not taking his glance off of me. I could see the look of 'help me' in his eyes.

"Yeah," I said. "I've been going to a lot of auditions and booking quite a few jobs."

Ellie just nodded. "Well, uh, I gotta go. See you around, Craig." She turned and left.

"Wow…she was not happy," I said, matter-of-factly.

"Whatever." He said, taking a long drink from his cup.

"Don't worry about it," I said before the lights dimmed and the performer walked onto the stage to begin the show.

We walked back to his car in silence. I could tell he didn't want to talk about it, so I didn't press it.

He pulled up in front of my apartment. "See you later, Manny. Sorry about…you know."

"Don't even worry about it, Craig. It doesn't even matter. Who cares what she thinks?"

He smiled weakly. "See you tomorrow?"

"Sure." I said, returning the smile and walking up to my apartment for a long, hot bath.


	12. Shimmering Fields Part 1

**A/N(s): I feel like I've accomplished something. I usually give up on my fanfic's early on. I end up either getting bored with it or writer's block. I really can't believe I've made it to 12 chapters. Woo, me! Hopefully I can whip out 12 more!**

**I've split this chapter in two, so that's why it's shorter than the rest.  
**

**I say this before almost every chapter, but thanks to everyone who has read so far! And special thanks to SexyGirl07, Sierratwilight17, and Gabby who have been kind enough to review. You're reviews are so nice and I always look forward to them. Thanks again!**

* * *

**Craig looked at me seriously the whole time. Even when I burst into tears mid through when I told him about Max. He calmly rubbed my shoulder as all the memories flooded back to me. **

**He didn't say anything for awhile after I had told him. He just continued to rub my shoulder and look out into the distance, where a man was playing with his dog and a woman was pushing her young child in a stroller. **

**I wiped the tears from my eyes and sniffled. He turned back to look at me and drew me into a hug. We sat there for what seemed like an eternity, in each other's arms and not saying a word.**

* * *

I stood in the kitchen of my apartment, pouring myself a bowl of cereal and a cup of coffee. I sat down at the small table I had shoved in the corner and ate, watching whatever was on the television across the room. My mind was full of the events of last night and all the auditions my new agent had lined up for me for the week.

I jumped at the sound of my phone vibrating. I walked to pick it up and noticed I had a text message. It read: 'Join me at the park?'

I smiled and replied. 'For sure. Give me an hour?'

My phone vibrated again. 'Sounds good. Meet me under the tree.'

I agreed. I finished my cereal and coffee in a hurry and dashed to my bathroom to begin getting ready. With hair and make-up presentable I went and picked out a long sleeved stripped shirt, my favorite comfy jeans and some strappy sandals.

I drove down to the park that was just up the street, where Craig and I often went to spend time with each other. We always ended up under a large oak tree that was close to a small pond where ducks swam all day. We spent many days just laying back on the grass and looking up at the sky, talking about what was going on in our lives. I still hadn't opened up about my recent past just yet.

I pulled into the parking lot and made my way to the oak tree, where I saw Craig sitting there on an outstretched blanket.

He smiled and I returned it as I walked up to him.

"Hi," I said, sitting down next to him.

"Hi," he said, watching me.

We sat in silence before a few moments before Craig cleared his throat. "Sorry…about last night."

"Craig, honestly, you don't need to apologize. There isn't anything to apologize for," I said, reassuringly.

"Yeah, but she ruined the whole night for me. I shouldn't have let her get to me like that. I wanted last night to be fun…and it was just…ruined." He rain his hand through his hair, frustrated.

"Don't beat yourself up over it. I still had a nice time." I said, putting my hand on his shoulder.

He looked up at me and half-heartedly smiled. He sighed. "We had gotten together for awhile. We tried to make it work. I thought I had wanted to be with her and she thought, knew, she wanted to be with me. It just felt…off. It didn't work. She was in denial when I broke it off with her. I think she still is. She's taking it really hard. But we're _not _together. Not."

"Does she know that?" I asked him.

He nodded. "At least I think so…"

I raised my eyebrows, last night's run in had proven to me otherwise.

"She didn't seem happy to see me there," I said, looking down at my lap.

"Well, honestly, she probably wasn't. But…she doesn't matter," he said finally. "Besides, you and I, we're not really…together…yet. I don't want to mess up what we have now. I'd rather take things slower," he said, taking my hand in his.

I smiled. "I don't want to mess anything up either. I'd rather not deal with any kind of relationship right now. I'm still…" I paused. The smile had gone from my face.

"Still what?" He asked, cocking his head to the side and furrowing his eyebrows.

"Nothing. I'm still nothing…" I said quickly.

"Oh, really?"

"I'm not ready to talk about it, yet." I avoided making eye contact.

He widened his eyes and nodded. "Alright."

He laid back, looking up at the sky. I did the same.

"Look at that cloud," he said suddenly, after a few moments of silence. "It looks like a crab."


	13. Shimmering Fields Part 2

**A/N: I feel like a broken record, saying this before every chapter, but I feel like I should say it before every chapter so, thanks for reading (:**

**Since this is a continuation of the last chapter, there's no intro.**

* * *

"Crab?" I said, doubtingly.

"Yeah," he said and pointing up to the sky. "That one."

"I kind of see it," I said, squinting my eyes.

We laid there in silence for a few more moments.

"That one looks like a giraffe," I said, pointing at the cloud.

Craig laughed. "It does!"

Dogs barked in the distance and the ducks splashed in the little pond that was only a few feet away. Craig and I were spread out on a blanket, looking up at the blue sky.

Craig turned his head towards me, and I turned towards him.

"What?" I asked.

He smiled. "Nothing."

"No, what? Do I have something smeared on my face?" I asked, jokingly.

"No. It's just…" He let it trail.

"Just? Just what?"

He smiled wider. "You've really grown up, Manny. Since the last time I saw you, I mean. You're like a completely different person…but still the same. If that makes any sense."

I blushed. "Thanks."

"I mean it."

I smiled slightly. "A lot of things happened in my life while you weren't in it. I would hope it affected me for the better." I paused. "It's been hard…but I've tried my best to get through it."

The smile faded from his face. "You ready to talk about it?"

I looked back up at the sky and heaved a sigh. "I guess so."

He sat up and looked down at me, all serious.

"I don't know where to begin…"

"Preferably the beginning," Craig said, teasingly.

I smiled. "Well…I was with Sean for a couple years. And yes, it was _the _Sean Cameron."

His eyes widened in shock. "Really? That's…odd."

I laughed. "It kind of was…we never expected to fall in love. But it happened. Emma wasn't very happy. I didn't talk to her for years because of it."

"I take it you and Emma reconciled, though?"

I nodded. "Mmhmm. Almost a year ago." I stopped. My eyes widened. I couldn't believe everything happened a year ago. A year ago…it seemed like just yesterday, but it seemed like eternity too. Had I really made it through a year?

"Okay. Well, that's good," he said, nodding. "You made it through. What's wrong?" He noticed the look on my face.

I shook my head. "I just can't believe that it's been a year, that's all. Everything happened a year ago."

Craig smiled. "You're stronger than you give yourself credit for."

I half-smiled. "I guess…"

"You are," he said, matter-of-factly.

"Anyway," I continued with my story. "I had gotten pregnant and was genuinely excited for it…for Sean and I. But…"

Craig looked at me expectantly. "But?"

I sighed. "I had a miscarriage. And I took it really hard…I was depressed for a while. But while I was depressed Sean was off…with Emma."

His eyes dropped. "I'm sorry…"

I shook my head. "It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter anymore. It just…doesn't matter."

Craig nodded sadly.

"I went to stay with my friend," I paused, barely able to say his name. "Max."

I stopped and closed my eyes. I could feel the tears brewing and I tried to stop them. Against my wishes, they trickled out slowly. I could feel Craig's hand touch my shoulder.

"After staying with him for awhile, I realized I had feelings for him and he for me. I loved him…so much. He had done so much for me."

I began to sob uncontrollably. Craig quietly sat and rubbed my shoulder. I was grateful he didn't push me.

"Sean starting going…crazy. I didn't know, but he took my miscarriage really hard too. He just showed it in a different way." I was trying to talk through my tears. "Max had asked me to marry him and I accepted whole-heartedly. I was never so sure about anything in my life. But, we were only engaged for one day…one night really"

I had to stop for a few moments, unable to speak through the violent sobs that overtook me. Craig wrapped his arm around my shoulders and drew me near him. I rested my head on his chest. His heartbeat…

My heart leapt out of my chest at the memory of another heartbeat. How similar…yet how different they both were.

I took a deep breath and began again. "The morning after we were engaged, Sean snuck into our house. He had a gun with him and held me hostage until Max came out of the shower. Max and I tried to calm him down, but it was no use. Something in Sean…snapped. He started shooting madly it seemed like. I'm surprised I'm not dead. Sometimes though, I wish he had killed me instead of Max."

I stopped for what seemed like the hundredth time, loosing my composure.

"It's okay," Craig said softly. "It's okay."

I sniffled. "Sean killed himself along with Max."

I could hear Craig's heartbeat accelerate, but he said nothing.

"I was so upset that I contemplated suicide. And I was about to really, kill myself, but Emma stopped me. That's when we reconciled."

I sat straight up. "I stayed with Emma for awhile. We helped each other through it. And…Emma had Sean's baby."

I saw Craig's eyes widen.

"And that's when I decided to move down here. To further my career and also get away from all the memories and just…everything."

Craig was silent for a long time, not saying anything. He just looked off into the distance.

I began to cry again. I was full of sadness at the memories but I was relieved to have been able to talk about it and get it off my chest.

Craig looked over at me and pulled me into a hug. We sat there for what seemed like eternity, in each other's arms and not saying a word. Craig gently rubbed put his hand on the back of my head and held my close to him. It felt as if he was protecting me from everything that had happened.

I smiled through my tears, my heart throbbed.

"I'm so sorry, Manny." He said finally, stroking my hair. "I'm so, so sorry."


	14. Acting Like a Fool

**A/N: Just ignore all the small mistakes I've been missing. They always seem to hide when I check for them. **

**Also, thank you ashley6794 for your reviews. You're comments are so, so nice! (:**

* * *

"**I don't know how to put this…" he said. **

**My heart was pounding in my chest. I was sitting at the edge of my chair in anticipation, for I had no idea what he was about to unveil.**

**He closed his eyes for a second and took a deep breath. I could see his eyes water up a little bit.**

"**I'm going on a year long tour…maybe longer if they decide."**

**My heart sank in my chest. "What?"**

"**Yeah, I'm opening up for Kings of Leon."**

**My eyes widened. "Oh my god."**

"**Yeah," he said flatly.**

"**That's exciting, but…" I trailed off.**

"**I know, I'm scared to go. I know how much I'll miss you and it will be unbearable." He rubbed his face with his hands.**

"**Craig, don't let me stop you." I reached across the table to take his hand. We were sitting at the café where he first called out my name. **

**I looked away from his gaze. My eyes began to fill up with tears. **

"**When does it start?" I whispered.**

**Craig didn't say anything for a few moments. "This weekend."**

"**But that's only a couple days away!" I said, my head snapping up.**

"**I know," he said quietly.**

* * *

"I got the job!" I said excitedly. I could hardly contain myself. "I got the part! I got the part!"

"I knew you would!" Craig said. He was the first person I called to tell.

"I can't believe it!" I said, laughing joyously.

"When do you start?"

"Not for another month while they cast the other parts and go through the rest of pre production. It's only an independent film, but there's already a lot of hype about it! Ah! I can't believe it!" I said, jumping around.

Craig laughed on the other end of the line. "That's so great, Manny. Should we go celebrate?"

"As soon as I'm through calling and telling everyone else that needs to know."

"Okay, sounds good. Call me when you're done and we'll go do something fun. Drinks are on me!"

I laughed, giddy. "Okay."

* * *

"So…where are we going?" I asked.

Craig glanced at me from the driver's seat. "To have some fun. Might as well get a taste of it, since you'll be a celebrity soon enough."

"Yeah, right." I giggled.

We pulled up to a hip looking night club. "Might as well celebrate to the fullest," he said as we parked.

"I've never been to a night club like this before," I said in awe. As we walked up, I saw the long line of people waiting to be admitted. "We'll never get in!"

Craig just laughed as the bouncer let us right in, despite a grumbling crowd.

"How?" I asked as we walked in. Craig just winked at me.

I was quieted as I looked around at my surroundings. It was dark, except for the lights above the dance floor and the small, dim lights on tables that were in front of long sofas. There were small, crystal chandeliers hanging on the ceiling. The dance floor was flooded with people grinding all on each other.

"Let's go find somewhere to sit," he said. He grabbed my hand and lead me to a singular sofa off in the corner.

"This place is nice," I said.

"Yeah, it is. I hear it's the hardest club to get into. Anyone who is anyone is probably here," he said, as if it didn't phase him.

"Really?" I asked, getting excited and looking around. It was a little to dark to actually tell who the people were around me.

Craig laughed. "Probably."

I rolled my eyes.

"Want a drink?" He asked.

I nodded. "Anything."

Craig got up and left towards the bar. I sat looking around while I waited.

"Manny?" I turned quickly to see Lily dancing her way over to me.

"Hi, Lily."

"What are you doing here?" She asked loudly. She was clearly intoxicated.

"My friend brought me. We're celebrating," I said, looking around for Craig.

"Really?" She asked, obnoxiously. "What are you celebrating?"

I sighed. I liked Lily enough, she _had_ gotten me an agent, but I mentally wrote down not to go clubbing with her or go out for drinks with her. She was an annoying drunk.

"I got a part in a movie that I'm really excited about." Still no sign of Craig.

"Oh my gawd," she said, her jaw dropping. "That is sooooo great!"

"Yeah. Like I said, I'm really excited about it."

Finally I saw Craig making his way back to me, carrying two bottles of what looked like a fancy beer. I was never much of a drinker, but I was in the mood to celebrate.

Lily watched him as he handed me a bottle and sat next to me. I could feel a silent growl in my throat as I watched the way she was looking at him. I didn't know her _that_ well, but only an idiot wouldn't be able to tell what she was silently saying. Craig and I still weren't together, but I couldn't stop the feeling of jealously that engulfed me.

"I don't think we've had the pleasure of meeting," she said, leaning over to reveal more of the low cut top she was wearing.

"This is Craig," I said quickly. "Craig, Lily. Lily, Craig."

"Nice to meet you," Craig said politely.

"The pleasure is all mine, believe me." Lily said, eyeballing him. "Do you mind if I join you guys?"

Craig looked over at me. I pleaded at him with my eyes that I did _not_ want her joining us.

"Actually," Craig said half-glancing at her. "We were going to go dance for a little bit."

"Oh, perfect!" Lily said. "Me too!"

I groaned. Craig looked over at me, silently saying sorry. He shrugged.

"Uhh, let's go." He said finally, grabbing my hand and leading me to the dance floor. Lily trailed behind closely.

The three of us began to dance. I tried to stay as closely to Craig as I could, but Lily always seemed to squeeze her way in between us. It was sickening to see the way Lily was trying to grind up against him.

"Hey, Craig?" I asked loudly. "I'm feeling a little light headed. Can we go outside?"

He was only too happy to oblige. "Yes. Let's get some fresh air."

He grabbed my hand and pulled me over to an outdoor patio attached to the club. I groaned when I saw Lily following us closely.

"Better?" Craig asked as the fresh air rushed over my face.

I nodded. "Yeah."

"I love this club so, so much!" Lily said loudly, moving to stand as close to Craig as she could.

I narrowed my eyes. "Lily, what are you doing?" I finally asked.

"Nothing," she said, furrowing her eyebrows.

"Really?" I asked, sarcastically.

Craig cleared his throat. "Listen, Lily, is it? Manny and I are here together. Together. I'm not looking to dance or be with anyone else but her tonight. This is _her _night."

My heart filled with gratitude towards him. All and any jealously I had suffered from had completely vanished.

Lily pushed herself up against Craig. "Are you sure? Manny here isn't really like _me_. I could have any guy in this club that I want."

Craig sarcastically smirked. "Then go whore on one of them."

Lily looked taken aback. I don't think any guy had ever talked to her like that.

"Excuse me?" She asked.

"Go whore. On. Some other. Guy. I'm not. Interested," he said, slowly but sharply.

Lily stared at him, wide eyed and then glared over at me.

"Nice seeing you, Lily." I waved at her and sarcastically smiled.

She turned on her heel and scoffed away.

"Sorry about her." I said as soon as she was out of ear shot.

Craig smiled. "Don't even worry about her." He paused. "Wanna get out of here?"

I returned his smile. "Hell yes I want to get out of here."

With that he tightly took my hand and we walked out of the club to his car.


	15. I Won't Hurt You

**A/N: I'm sorry it's taken me so long to update. I've been sick and busy with school. Also, I've been tossing around ideas about where I want the story to go. **

**All of the movie talk is strictly made up for the sake of the story. The actors, directors, name of the movie etc. all brewed in my imagination. So, without further ado…**

* * *

**I sat in hair and make-up for what seemed like hours and hours. It seemed that long mostly because I was excited to get started. The movie I'd been cast in had become quite a big deal. There was a lot of buzz around it even though it was a low-budget indie film. **

**It also didn't help that a very attractive British actor, Peter Zardin, had been cast in the lead role. As much as I liked to pretend all the buzz was because of me, it really was all about him. When I had met him at our casting rehearsals, I could see why everyone liked him. He was cute, charming, and what American girl wouldn't swoon over that accent?**

**I had just finished my hair and make-up and gotten into wardrobe when there was a quiet knock on the door. **

**I looked over at the woman in charge of wardrobe and saw her look at me and shrug.**

"**Come in!" I yelled to whoever had knocked.**

**The door slowly crept open and Peter popped his head in. He smiled at me as I beckoned him to come in.**

"**Hello, Manny."**

"**Hi Peter, what's going on?" I asked him. **

"**I've been out of hair, make-up and wardrobe for an hour and I'm bloody bored as hell." He smirked.**

**I laughed. "We still have at least another hour before Gregory will be calling us to set."**

**Peter groaned. "I know."**

**I rolled my eyes. "Peter Zardin, one would think you'd be used to all this by now."**

"**Funny how things work out, huh?" He smiled. **

"**Indeed."**

* * *

"How is the movie star life treating you?" Craig asked as he pulled up to the little café we frequently visited.

"I wouldn't call it that yet," I giggled. "We barely just started filming. And no one has recognized me yet when I'm out and about. So I definitely wouldn't label it the 'movie star life.' Not yet, anyway."

"I see. Hopefully when it does happen though, you'll still remember little ole Craig," he teased.

"Craig? Craig who?" I smiled back at him as he playfully punched my arm.

We got out of the car, ordered coffees and sat outside at "our table."

I began sipping my coffee when I noticed Craig had become unusually quiet all of a sudden. I became uneasy, but finally plucked up enough courage to ask him what was wrong.

"Craig? What's bothering you?" I asked cautiously.

He shook his head. "Nothing, nothing."

I raised my eyebrows and nodded. "Okay, then."

We sat through a moment of awkward silence. The tension grew until Craig finally opened his mouth.

He sighed. "Something _is _bothering me, actually."

"Who would have thought?" I asked, sarcastically.

Craig half smiled, but the smile was gone as quickly as it came. "I don't know how to put this…"

My heart began to pound in my chest. I was sitting at the edge of my chair in anticipation, for I had no idea what he was about to unveil. Would it be good news, or bad?

He closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. When he reopened his eyes, I could see the water begin to build up.

"I'm going on a year long tour…maybe longer if they decide."

My heart sank in my chest. "What?"

"Yeah, I'll be opening up for Kings of Leon."

My eyes widened. "Oh my god."

"Yeah," he said flatly.

"That's exciting, but…" I trailed off.

"I know," he sighed. "I'm scared to go. I know how much I'll miss you and I know it will be unbearable." He rubbed his face with his hands.

"Craig, don't let me stop you. You're already on your way to your dreams and I don't want to stand in your way." I reached across the table to take his hand in mine.

I looked away from his gaze as my eyes began to fill with tears.

"When does it start?" I whispered.

Craig was silent for a few moments. "This weekend."

"But that's only a couple days away!" I said, my head snapping up.

"I know," he said quietly.

We sat in silence for what seemed like forever.

"When did you find out?" I asked.

"I found out for sure this morning."

I bit my lip and looked up at him with tears in my eyes. "Well…all we can do now is make the best of what time we have until you leave."

He nodded slowly.

I wiped my eyes. "Can we at least go to my place or your's? I don't want to cry in front of all these people."

Craig smiled half-heartedly. "Of course."

* * *

I dropped my bag on the floor as we crossed the threshold into Craig's apartment. As soon as I did, I made my way into the chair I always sat in and plopped down. The ride over had been silently draining.

Craig hesitantly walked over to where I was sitting and sat across from me on the dark brown leather couch.

We didn't say anything for a long time, just looking at one another. We were both deep in our own thoughts, almost afraid to escape from them to face reality.

Craig suddenly cleared his throat. "What are we going to do?"

I shrugged. I wasn't sure if he meant it figuratively or literally.

Craig leaned forward and put his head in his hands. "I don't want to leave you," he said quietly. I almost thought I had imagined him speaking because he was so quiet.

My heart began to pound in my chest. This whole ordeal could only go one of two ways. We would either come out of it closer than ever, or go our own ways. I knew deep in my heart that this moment would be a turning point in our relationship. We would either sink or swim. I was betting, hoping, we would swim.

I stood up to sit by his side and pulled him close to me.

"Craig, it would be selfish of me to ask you to stay…just for me." I said, beginning to rub his back. I saw his head shake.

"No it wouldn't. Just say the word and I'll stay."

"Craig, you can't be like that. As much as it hurts me to say this, you kind of have to go. This is the biggest break you've ever been given. You would be a complete idiot not to take it."

He looked up at me and knew I was right.

"You may never get an opportunity like this again."

"But it's a whole year," he moaned.

"We can still call each other and video chat. As often as we can," I said reassuringly.

"I guess."

He didn't say anything for a long time, we just sat there, with him in my arms.

"I'm going to miss you so much, Manny," he said painfully, which made my eyes begin to fill with tears.

He looked up at me for a moment, and before I knew it his hand was caressing my cheek. My heart leapt at his touch and ached at the same time seeing the look in his eyes.

"Tell me you'll be here, right here, when I come back," he whispered. All I could do was nod in response.

He sat up straight and took my face in both his hands. My heart seemed to stop in my chest and I could barely breath. This was it. The turning point. There would be no going back from here.

He slowly leaned in closer to my face. I closed my eyes and felt his lips softly touch mine, but quickly pull away. I kept my eyes shut, waiting for him to return. After a few moments, his lips were back on mine, only this time he was a tab more passionate.

My arms wound around his neck and moved up into his hair. Before I knew it, he was picking me up, taking me to where I could only guess was his bedroom.


	16. Sunshine

**A/N: I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but this will be the second to last chapter. It isn't because I want it to be, but it's gone it's own direction and written itself, and it's time for it's natural end. I hope you've enjoyed reading it as much as I have writing it! Thank you readers! **

**Anyway, let's continue. No intro.**

* * *

I slowly opened my eyes. The sunshine that was peering through the window was almost blinding, but it seemed almost like a good omen.

I slowly turned over to see Craig still asleep. I smiled at the sight of him and of the memory of our night together. It had been beautiful

I slowly got up. I shivered as the morning air rushed over me and quickly dressed in the clothes that had been so carelessly tossed to the floor in a haste.

Craig lazily rolled over. "Where are you going?" He asked, groggily.

I smiled at the sound of his voice. "As much as I would love to just lay with you forever, I have things to do at the studio."

Craig crawled over to where I was sitting on the bed, putting my lace up flats on. "I wish you didn't have to go."

I sighed and looked down at him. He grinned up at me.

"I know, I wish I didn't either. But I've got to make a living some how."

He nodded. "Yes, yes you do."

"I will call you as soon as I'm done, I promise." I leaned down and kissed him.

"You better, or I'll come after you."

I laughed as I stood up to leave. "You know, that might not be a bad idea."

Craig rolled his eyes and threw a pillow at me from across the room. I stuck my tongue out at him.

"I'll be back later!" And with that, I left to face the world with a huge grin on my face.

* * *

The day Craig left for his tour was bitter sweet.

"Don't leave me," I cried as he pulled me into his arms.

"Remember, you said you wouldn't be selfish," he brushed my hair with his hand.

"I don't care what I said, I want to be selfish!" I clenched him to me, not wanting to let go.

I could feel him laughing. "It's too late to be selfish now, I can't back out. I _have_ to go."

I leaned back, pouting. He wiped the tears off my face.

"Craig! C'mon, we gotta go!" A head popped out of the door to the big, huge bus that would be taking my Craig away from me for a whole year.

"One minute and I'll be there!" Craig called back and then turned his attention back on me. He sighed and pulled me back into a hug.

I buried my face into his chest, breathing in his scent. "Don't go," I said quietly.

Craig kissed the top of my head and then lifted it up so I would face him.

"I'll miss you," he whispered. He looked back quickly at the bus and then back at me. Before I knew it his lips were on mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck. I didn't want to ever let go.

"Craig, come ON!"

He pulled away from me. "I don't want to leave you. I wish I'd never taken the gig."

I began to cry hard. "But you had to."

He nodded slowly.

"You'll be back soon enough…" I said, doubtfully.

He kissed me quickly again without saying a word and ran to board the tour bus. I sat for an hour in the parking lot, hoping to see the bus pull back into the parking lot, but it never did.

* * *

Luckily I had my work to distract from the fact that Craig was gone and would be gone for a long time. I was able to put all my efforts into my acting, which warranted me success and praise.

By the time filming ended, with a month until this little indie movie would be out in theaters, there was a ridiculous amount of buzz surrounding it. The media was calling it the next 'cult classic.'

I had picked up a tabloid magazine with my picture on it. She opened up to the article and it read: "_Manny Santos: The Next Big Thing. Playing the lead female role in the little indie movie that could, 'Lovely Lily,' Manny Santos is ready to burst onto the scene. With roles in 'Jay and Silent Bob go Canadian, Eh' and quest roles on 'Bones,' 'Mad Men,' and 'True Blood' just to name a few, this new comer is ready to take the spotlight. With an A+ performance that is sure to knock off your socks when it comes out September 10, Manny is guaranteed a long and prosperous Hollywood career."_

I couldn't help but smile. I was finally getting recognition on my own, away from Peter Zardin, and it felt good.

"I read the article," Craig said later that night. "I'm so proud of you, Manny."

"Thanks. I'm so excited! I can't believe it." I gushed.

"You deserve every word in that article."

I sighed. "I wish you were here to celebrate with me."

"I do to. I'll be sure to mention you tonight during my set though. I'll dedicate a song for you. I'll see if someone will video tape it, so you can watch it."

I smiled. "Thanks, Craig."

"I have to go, but I'll call you when my set is done. Bye."

"Bye." I said, hanging up.

* * *

"Manny, you look gorgeous!" Manny said squealing.

It was the night of the "Lovely Lily" red carpet premiere. I had just stepped out of my bedroom to reveal what I was wearing.

I had on a cream colored Chanel one shoulder cocktail dress that had an intricate bedding detail along the one shoulder and down the bodice and a silk skirt piece that hung just right. I was wearing nude five inch pumps and natural make-up to go with my light, natural theme. My hair was lightly curled and was pulled up into a loose up-do.

I smiled as I turned around to let Emma catch a glimpse of the whole ensemble. I was very proud of it, as I had picked it all out myself without a stylist.

"Drop dead gorgeous. No one will be able to take their eyes off of you!" Emma shrieked as she hurried over to me to get a close up.

"Thanks, Emma." I blushed.

"You look great too!" I said, seeing her dark purple cocktail dress for the first time. It hugged her curves in all the right places and showed off her shoulders, which she thought were her best features.

"Not as good as you, but it's all about you tonight so I can deal!" She laughed and then looked over at the time. "We're cutting it close, the limo should be here any minute."

"Shoot," I murmured as I ran back into my room to grab the small black Chanel clutch that had all my essentials in it. "Ready?"

Emma nodded enthusiastically, just as excited as I was. This was my, as well as Emma's, first taste of the Hollywood life. From this moment on, I'd be living the glamorous lifestyle. Of course, it would be hard work, but it was what I loved and what my passion was.

"Let's go then!" I said, the butterflies in my stomach fluttering even harder than they had been when I woke up. Emma and I had a quick squeal session before heading down to meet up with the limo.

* * *

The night had gone by in such a rush, it was hard for me to grasp onto it to enjoy it more. As Emma and I walked down the red carpet, we were stopped by interviewer after interviewer. Between interviews we were stopped by photographers wanted to catch a glimpse of me, as well as all the other actors in the movie. Luckily, Emma was able to stay by my side the whole time to keep me calm.

"You're doing great," she whispered after I had finished my third interview.

I looked over at her, exasperated. "Thanks."

After everyone had previewed the movie, to raving reviews, there were at least three after parties I was requested to attended.

Seven hours after leaving the last premiere after party, I was finally done and could go home to collapse. I looked at the clock on the way home in the limo and it read 3:26 A.M.

I sighed as the exhaustion overwhelmed me.

"Thank you for being there for me Emma," I said quietly, my eyes were closed and sleep was just on the corner.

"Thanks for inviting me," Emma said, just as quietly.

I smiled as sleep overcame me for the ten minute car ride.

* * *

Emma went home a few days after the premiere and life was calming down. The paparazzi were more interested in getting a snap shot of me and I saw them frequently swarming my apartment building. Luckily even that died down a bit where I would only see a couple here and there as I would come and go.

My agent was booking me more and more auditions to attend to, which I was grateful for. I had been missing Craig something fierce, so I welcomed the distraction.

On a night I wasn't expecting, I got a phone call from him.

"Craig?" I asked, surprised.

"Manny, I have great news!" He said, unable to hide his excitement.

I perked up. "What's that?"

"One more week and I'm coming home!"

I jumped up off the couch I was sitting on and began jumping up and down.

"You're coming home?! You're coming home?!" I shrieked.

Craig laughed on the other end. "Yeah, so get ready for me!"

"I've _been_ ready for you. Ever since the day you left." I sat back down on the couch, my excitement boiling up just as it had for my premiere.

* * *

The day of Craig's home coming, I awoke the bright sunshine peering through my window. I smiled as I sat up in bed and stretched my arms out. I walked over the window and opened them even wider, letting the sun wash over the whole room. The perfect omen to a perfect day.

I quickly showered and then dressed in a summer, flower print dress that Craig loved so much. I slipped on my favorite ballet flats, threw my hair up into a loose ponytail and quickly downed some cereal before I left to wait for him.

I'd gotten to the parking lot excruciatingly early, but I wanted to be sure not to miss him. Luckily, I had brought my laptop with me to keep my entertained while I waited.

Finally, after what seemed like eternity, I saw his tour bus off in the distance. My heart accelerated as it came closer and closer. I felt as if I would explode by the time it pulled into the driveway and parked.

It felt like forever had passed by the time the side door opened and people started filing out. I got out of my car just in time to see Craig's dark curly hair step out.

I nearly fell to the ground as my knees gave in. I luckily caught myself on the car door before slamming it shut. My hand flew up to my mouth as I squealed.

Craig looked over at me quickly, after hearing my pitiful squeal, and broke out into a huge grin.

It was as if my legs grew a mind of their own, as I was sprinting quickly over to him before I even realized it. He turned to me, dropped what he had been caring and walked slowly to catch me as I flung myself into his arms.

"Craig, Craig, Craig!" I said over and over, covering his neck with kisses.

Craig lifted me up and twirled me around before setting me back on the ground.

"I missed you so much," he said as he kissed me over and over again.

"Don't ever leave me again for such a long time!" I said in between kisses.

He laughed. "I won't, I promise."

His face suddenly became very serious. "Manny, there's something I've been meaning to tell you. I wanted to wait until I saw you face to face."

My heart sank in my chest. "What?" I asked cautiously.

He took a deep breath. "Well, while on tour I realized something."

I was silent as I waited for him to speak.

He slowly smiled. "I love you, Manny. I always have. It's _always_ been you."

I began to cry. "I love you too, Craig."

He laughed and pulled me back into his arms. The sun seemed to get brighter, as if it was telling us that we were on the right path.


	17. Lilacs

**A/N: I want to thank all of you for reading this fan fiction! I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did! I feel very accomplished that I was able to write this sucker all the way till it's natural end. I've never been able to complete a fan fiction to it's final completion. I've always either given up and given it no end or written up something to abruptly end it. I'm very proud with how I guided it and how it turned out. No regrets (:**

**Again, I want to take the time to thank everyone who took the time to read "These Arms," whether you reviewed or not. If it weren't for readers, writer's would have only selfish reasons to write. **

**There will definitely be new, different fan fictions to come…so stay tuned! And I don't think I can say this enough (so three times will suffice) but THANK YOU for reading, truly! (:**

**Sorry for the kind of 'cliché' ending, but I think it's what Manny deserves: The happiest of cliché endings. And also, apologies if the times don't add up. **

**All good things must come to an (happy)end…**

* * *

Three months after Craig returned from his tour, I moved into his apartment. We spent another three happy months together before he proposed and, of course, I couldn't turn him down.

We were both lazily laying in bed under a light, white sheet. My head was laying on his bare chest where I could hear his heart beating. Thud-thud. Thud-thud.

"Manny?" He called out softly.

"Hmm?"

"Could you do something for me?" He cautiously asked.

"Anything," I said lazily.

"It's, uh, kind of important. Kind of urgent. It's going to have to be done right away."

I raised me eyebrows. "What is it?"

He took a deep breath. "Well, now that we know we can live well with each other…"

"Yes?"

"I was thinking you might do something for me…"

"Yes?" I began to get impatient. "What?"

"I think you're going to have to marry me."

I looked up at him, his face was dead serious.

"What?" I asked, disbelieving.

"Marry me, Manny. Please, marry me."

My eyes widened. My heart began to pound in my chest, I thought it would explode out. A smile slowly spread about my face.

"I will, I will! Of course, I'll marry you!"

He returned my smile. He slowly bent down until our lips were pressed against each other.

* * *

We were engaged for six months before we were married back in Canada. It was a small, intimate ceremony drowned in lilacs in the lush, green backyard of Craig's step dad Joey. The sun couldn't have been any brighter, it was the perfect setting. They only had close family and friends in attendance, which was what both of them wanted.

"Don't be offended, Manny, but I would have never, ever guessed that the two of you would be married." Emma was helping me out of my wedding dress so I could change into a simpler dress for the reception.

"Honestly, I'm a little surprised it turned out this way too. But at the same time, I'm not." I stepped out of the dress. I walked over, took the other dress of the hanger and stepped into it. Emma zipped up the back. "We just always had wrong timing back then."

"I guess, despite everything, you two were made perfectly for each other." Emma's eyes began to fill with tears. "I'm so happy for you, Manny! You deserve all the happiness in the world."

I smiled, my own tears filling my eyes. "Thank you."

Emma shook her head, as if to clear it. "Shall we go back out so you and your husband can have your first dance together as a married couple?"

My eyes bulged out of my head. It was official. Craig and I were married. Married. Through sickness and health, 'til death do us part. It hadn't even occurred to me as we said "I do." It all came crashing down on me in that moment.

"I'm married," I said in disbelief. "I'm actually married! Emma, I'm married!"

I took Emma by the hands as we squealed and started jumping up and down.

Emma stopped and began to laugh uncontrollably.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, it never dawned on me before, but your name is Manny Manning."

I burst into laughter. "Well," I said between giggles. "Technically it's Manuela Manning, but you're right. Mrs. Manny Manning!"

Despite my new name sounding beyond ridiculous, it was perfect. I kept saying it over and over as Emma and I made our way out to the reception. My smile couldn't have been any bigger as I saw Craig, my _husband_, standing cooly by his step dad.

His eyes lit up as he saw me walking over to him.

"Hello, husband." I said.

* * *

I paced the bathroom floor, glancing at the little stick on the counter every once in awhile.

Emma laughed. "Manny, calm down!"

I turned my head to glare at her. "Calm down? That's _really_ funny!"

Emma shook her head as she rolled her eyes. "Deep breaths. _Deep_ breaths."

I snorted, looking back at the plastic stick that held my future in its colored strip. I groaned. "Ugh! This is taking forever!"

Emma looked at her cell phone clock. "Just a couple more minutes and you'll have your answer."

I nodded and continued to pace the floor. If it was positive, what was I going to do? What if…something…_happened_ again? Could I bare to deal with the pain again? Would Craig be more supportive than _him_? My heart began to pound in my chest. The room began to heat up uncontrollably. I fanned my face.

"Manny," Emma said, suddenly standing in front of me and grabbing my shoulders. "Calm down."

I sighed and closed my eyes. Deep breaths. _Deep_ breaths. After a few moments of deep breathing, I opened my eyes again. My heart was, however, still pounding in my chest. I groaned and scrunched my face up. "With everything that's happened to me in the past, I think I have a right to get worked up over this!"

Emma smirked. "I'm not going to tell you again, calm down!"

I shook my head and sat on the edge of the bathtub. I put my face in my hands, trying to calm myself. Was I ready to 'face the music?'

"Manny…" Emma said quietly. "Manny?"

I slowly looked up to see Emma looking down at the pregnancy test. Her eyes were wide. I couldn't read her expression. Was the news good or bad? What _was_ good or bad? I hesitated before standing up and walking over to where she was.

Positive. It was positive. I was pregnant. I stood, unmoving, looking down at it for what seemed like eternity.

"I..uh…pregnant?" I said, incoherently.

Emma looked over at me and slowly nodded. I could tell by the look in her eyes that she was worried how I was going to take the news. Would I go coo-coo bananas on her?

This was the third time I had heard the news. Of course, I would NOT get an abortion this time and I would pray that I wouldn't have another miscarriage. Was I finally, _finally_, ready and going to be a mother?

Tears sprang to my eyes as I crumbled to the floor. Whether they were tears of happiness or for dread, I wasn't quite sure.

* * *

I took a much needed break from the Los Angeles life after I found out I was pregnant. Luckily I had saved up enough money to do so in the past seven months I had been working. Craig had decided to book a bunch of shows back in our hometown, so it was the perfect excuse to pack up and go for awhile.

We rented a little apartment while we were there, but whenever Craig was out and about doing his own thing, I was always with my parents or Emma. However, as much as I loved spending time with my family and with Emma in _her_ neck of the woods, I still always cherished the nights Craig and I had together. Our relationship was like nothing I had ever experienced before, even during our previous on again, off again phase. And, as I sadly thought, more intense of a feeling than I had with…Max.

My past all came crashing down on me one particular morning. I had been lazing around in bed, with my back hurting more so than it had the previous few days, when I realized what day it was.

The three year anniversary. I looked down at my stomach that was beginning to show my pregnancy. I rubbed the bugle. I was conflicted with feeling happy for myself and the future, yet sad when I thought of all that had happened in my past.

Luckily the first and second year anniversary of…_his_ death, I had been so preoccupied with work and Craig that I barely even noticed their passing. It also helped that I was thousands of miles away, in a whole different world.

My heart clenched, realizing how close he actually was to me at this moment. I closed my eyes, feeling the grief of three years wash over me. I had tried so hard to push it back into the depths of my mind for all those years, but they seemed to avalanche out like an over stuffed closet.

Tears slowly trickled down my cheeks before I hastily wiped them away. "Damnit," I said quietly.

I scooted out of bed, got dressed and fresh, and headed out with my destination in mind. I drove white knuckled all the way there, but I knew this was something I had to do. I parked and thanked the sun for being out to comfort me.

I walked over the grass, trying to remember where _he_ was. My heart stopped when I finally found what I was looking for. Max…born…died. I slowly brought myself into a sitting position and just sat, looking down at his head stone.

"I miss you," I whispered into the air. I hadn't even noticed the tears sliding down my face. "I miss you so, much."

My hand gently brushed over his name, tracing each letter carefully. "Oh, Max."

I closed my eyes, trying to picture his face. I cried when I could barely grasp the image. "Why, why, why?" I asked in a hoarse whisper.

I was startled when a hand tentatively touched my shoulder. "I thought you might be here."

I turned to see Craig kneeling behind me with gentle eyes. I stifled a sob before throwing myself into his arms. He brushed the back of my head as I cried into his shoulder.

"It's okay," he whispered over and over.

We silently stayed in each others arms, even long after I had been done crying.

I finally sighed. "Let's go," I whispered. Craig nodded, stood up, and then helped me stand up.

Before we walked hand in hand back to our cars, Craig stood over Max's grave. He kneeled down and put his hand down over the cool metal. He nodded slowly and then stood up. "Let's go," he said.

* * *

"Here he is," the nurse said with a smile on her face. She gently placed the tiny baby into my arms before walking away.

I smiled as tears fell down my cheeks. I gently brushed a finger against his baby soft face, already in love with my son. Craig stood over my shoulder, smiling down at us. I looked up at him, "Here…hold him."

Craig's eyes widened, an look of uncertainty washed over his face. "It's okay," I said reassuring him.

He nodded slowly and took him from my arms. He smiled down at his son, with all the love in the world.

"Hey, little guy."

I cried at the sight before me. Never had I seen anything so sweet as watching my husband hold out son for the first time.

The nurse walked back in. "Have the two of you settle on a name yet or do you need more time?"

Craig and I shared a glance, already knowing the name of our little boy.

I cleared my throat. "Maxwell Joseph Manning."

The nursed smiled at us, wrote the name down so she could process the information into their computers for his birth certificate and left.

I sighed, suddenly utterly exhausted. Craig smiled down at me. "Sleep," he said nodding to me.

I weakly smiled and obliged.

Finally, _finally, _FINALLY! No more weeping, no more suffering, no more heartache. Happiness had somehow finally seemed to reach me. And it was about time, don't you think?


End file.
